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Ego Sum : Veritas

(I Am He : The Truth)

Probationer

Sun in Libra, Moon in Scorpio, IV xviii

October 9, 2010


Truth: Well, first of all, to be honest with one's self. there are so many deluded occultists out there that one despairs of finding any other kind. This is one reason for going back and working the system from the get-go. So there can be no doubt, either within myself or among others, that I did do the work from the very beginning with no lies and deceptions, and with every precaution taken not to delude myself.

        Second, not to lie to others, because that is dishonorable; and, I would not belittle myself by telling a lie.


"Liber Causae" - I think the vague language of this piece does it a disservice. It would be much better to disclose things in a more straightforward manner.
       
Oh, and the name of the order the German Adept (Fraulein Anna Sprengel - Soror Sapiens Dominabitur) belonged to was most probably "Orden des Gold-und Rosenkreuz". Which leads me to two questions: What is their address and how do I join? Actually, I would like to examine English translations of their original rituals and "knowledge lectures".

"An Account of A.'.A.'." - This is a re-phrasing of a passage from the book that sent Crowley in search of the Golden Dawn. As such, it probably tells us a good deal about Crowley.

   
    This passage hints of such an order that nearly everyone seeking enlightenment would want to join. Who wouldn't want to be "plugged" into a network such as this?

"Liber Librae" - This is one of my favorite pieces of writing. it's tone is different from a lot of Crowley's writing. I suppose in this it betrays its origins in the Golden Dawn.
Bravo!

Now on to the practices:

   
    "Liber E vel Exercitiorum": magical diary, tarot practice, asana, pranayama, dhrana and physical limitations.
   
   
"Liber O vel Manus et Saggitae": 777, assumption of god forms, vibration of divine names, rituals of banishing and evocation and rising on the planes.
   
   
(Patanjali: "firm but relaxed" & "steady and comfortable")
        My efforts to tackle these will be more a sprint than a marathon. There will be no slow and easy pacing. The castle will be assaulted.
   
    "Liber Resh vel Helios": I am trying to do research to ascertain a more perfect choice of solar deities than what Crowley uses. I also want to correct the spelling to that used by modern Egyptologists. For instance, I am sure "Ahathoor" is an incorrect spelling.
   
    From previous practice I encourage the magician to aim his energy towards the sun. If you do this every time, you'll eventually wind up receiving a lot more energy from the sun than you project to it.
        Note: In Little Essays Towards Truth it says
that the purpose of all ritual is the accumulation of energy.

 

"The Treasure-House of Images" - Crowley wrote that Probationers are to perform the adoration that lines up to their Ascendant. He also says we are to Astral there.
   
   
You know, Crowley says the Probationer should spend his year doing what he thinks is best. But if you read through Crowley's writings he says the Probationer should do this, and the Probationer should do that, and that the Probationer should do something else ... until finally there is no time left for the Probationer to spend that year doing what he thinks is best. He's too busy doing all these other things. *SIGH!*

"The Star Ruby" - I hate to say this, but I am wholly unimpressed with this ritual. Surely Crowley could do much better than this.
        Bellowing, whispering ... give me a break.

October 10 - Liber ABA/Magick/Book 4 - Prior to beginning this, I am re-reading the Student and Probationer chapters from Eshelman's book.
   
    Liber 65 Chapters: Earth, Air, Water, Fire and Spirit.
   
    I am absolutely, positively going to read the Big Blue Brick (2nd edition) from cover-to-cover.
   
    "The Comment" in A is a joke. It is just Crowley being glib and cute. It is about as destructive to the spread of Thelema as anything he wrote or did.

October 11
- "You cannot argue with a flash of lightning that has knocked you down." I love that line.
   
    Crowley could have explained wand/will with a lot fewer words.
   
    Taking a digression to read Collier & Manley's How to Read Egyptian Hieroglyphs. [This was followed by notes as I tried to translate the LBR Pentagram into Middle Egyptian].

October 16
- I've finished How to Read Egyptian Hieroglyphs, and am beginning Levi's Transcendental Magic.
   
    This is a much better book than The Key of the Mysteries. I think, by the time of Key, that Levi was under fire for some of the things he'd said before; and was now trying to back-pedal.
   
    Haute magie could have moved on a little quicker though.
        Eliphas Levi Zahed - why does no one ever use "Zahed"?
        Compared to more modern authors, this is like reading a book of mythology. I fail to see how he influenced Crowley.
        I have to laugh at Zahed's constant use of the term "magnetic". He also seems fond of the word "analogy".
        It must be A.E. Waite's translation, but this is one of the most difficult books to get through I've tackled since beginning this journal. Ick! The word turgid comes to mind.
        As I get into the "Ritual" section, it is much easier to read, although Chapter Four reads like superstition.

October 20 - Beginning Probationer's Practice:
        Tarot practice - 18 right for 23%.
        God Asana
        Pranayama - 20 out, 10 in. My sinus problems makes this very difficult; I will keep on trying.
        Assume god forms: Nun, Naunet, Heh, Hauhet, Kek, Kaukhet, Amun, Amaunet.
        Vibration of god names (as above).
        Lesser Pentagram & Hexagram. Resh: Kephra.

October 25 - Complete formula of existence is expressed in the True Word of the Neophyte, where existence is taken to import that phrase of the Whole which is the finite resolution of the Qabalistic zero.
        The word of the Neophyte is MUAUM, which equals to 93. "Mum's the word." Crowley could be quite funny.

October 31 - I have been reading Magick, finishing up on reading Transcendental Magic, and also reading Lon DuQuette's The Magick of Aleister Crowley. Perhaps at this stage I am not sufficiently illumined, but I don't know why Crowley went in the direction he did. With the Egyptian origins in The Book of the Law, why would Crowley write a "Thelemic" ritual that called on Chaldean spirits? I am doing my best not to write this off as total nonsense.
        While I respect Archbishop DeQuette, it is while reading such books as this that I realize that I must speak out.
        My insight is different from those I have read, even from Crowley himself. But not to be just ... I must attain before I speak!
        It occurs to me that I have a chore, a quandary, before me as to how to achieve my Will. I am more than a bit of a heretic, and to try to explain my perspective to representatives of the status quo seems pointless. To change political conditions so that everyone is free to do their Will is an incredible Magnum Opus.
        The way that is open to me seems a bit extreme. Yet I see no other way. I suppose other path will present themselves to me if that is the Will of the gods.
        Otherwise, onward!
        I have been reading through the Big Blue Brick and not really encountered much to comment on. I have read this many times before, and I have practices Magick before. As of writing this, I am on p294.

                                                    November 2010