December 1 - I feel like I haven't been as focused as I should. My main emphasis should be working the curriculum of the Crowley system.

        Now editing/publishing is something I love to do, but i don't want to lose my focus over it.

        Here is what is left for me to do:

        1) Finishing reading Magick Without Tears.

        2) Re-read "The Book of the Law" and the assorted comments assigned to this grade.

        3) Re-read the three holy books assigned to this grade: "Porta Lucis", "Tzaddi vel Hamus Hermeticus" and "Cordis Cincti Serpentis".

        4) Read or re-read all "Class B" documents.

        5) I'm also assigning myself to become familiar with the Golden Dawn systems. Crowley writes like he expects his reader to already know all this.

        6) I've had the "Seven Holy Kings" Initiation performed on me before (much before) I think I'll have it done again. Ditto for "Ritual Thro'a".

Part of my disappointment is not doing LBR Pentagram and Resh as often as I want. I need to re-affirm that I will continue to do these several times a day.

        As to the rest of the practices, I am axing the Tarot clairvoyance test and replacing it with Chakra meditation.

1) Pranayama               6) 777 Chart

                2) Asana                       7) Treasure House

                3) Dharana                   8) Star Ruby

                4) Tattwa fire                9) Chakra

                5) God forms

There. See! That doesn't seem like so much, does it?

With my schedule I should be able to do the other practices a couple times a week if not more.

        I would love to do the main practices four times a day. I did it at one time. I don't know why I can't do it again.

December 3 - I continue to feel unfocused. I don't know if it's the weather, my sinuses, a bad case of S.A.D., my infrequent Depressions or what.

        Both my physical world obligations and my magical studies have suffered.

        I re-affirm that I will take care of these. That I will claw my way up the Tree of Life.

        222! I know what it means!

December 5 - Resh: Kephra @ 12:15 a.m. - returning to Magick Without Tears.

        I am tempted at this point to make some grand and glorious statement. what shall it be?

        1. It's worth the chase.

        2. A love of humanity drives the teacher.

        3. Once you have reached the highest summit, you realize you are in the lowest valley.

        4. Everything is Unity.

December 12 - Magick has at least been on my mind. I've been researching this and that. For instance: The Brotherhood of the Light.

        I've also been in touch with a local "Community of Thelema" website. I don't know if anything will come of it or if it will just be a waste of time.

        I must advance in two things I haven't been doing.

        1) Doing my practices.

        2) Reading the Probationer curriculum.

Back to Magick Without Tears. Crowley seemed to feel, later in life, that the Holdy Guardian Angel is a completely separate entity, and is not the higher self.

        Also at this point, Crowley agrees that the Beast and Scarlet Woman are titles.

December 13 - I have done some work on recasting certain rituals into Middle Egyptian. I am not totally satisfied with my work on this.

        Read a bit further in Magick Without Tears tonight. I've got about 110 pages left.

December 14 - What to do about the local Thelemic group?

        2 of Wands - Dominion, Influence over Others, Boldness, Courage.

        10 of Disks - Wealth, Riches, Material Fortune.

        Princess of Disks - Generous, Kind, Diligent.

        Ace of Wands - Energy, Strength, Force, Vigor.

        6 of Swords - Labor, Work, Success, Carefulness, Courageousness.

        8 of Wands - Speech, Light, Electricity, Activity, Boldness.

        XVIII Moon - Voluntary Change, Brink of an Important Change.

December 19 - Returning to Magick Without Tears.

        5:59 a.m. - "The Book of the Law" I:32 "Obey my prophet!" I am willing to give AC the benefit of the doubt in anything he writes.

        6:52 a.m. - "The Message of the Master Therion".

        7:16 a.m. - "The Law of Liberty".

        7:39 a.m. - "Khabs Am Pekht".

December 20 - 2:28 a.m. - The Book of Wisdom.

December 21 - Magical Retirement / Purification / Self-Initiation / Winter Solstice / Lunar Eclipse.

        I am inspired to begin a retirement with the Lunar Eclipse. I will follow my instincts with whatever I perform, but I will be unrelenting. I have a feeling this working will run just over two weeks, but it will run what it runs. To the highest heights,

        Full speed ahead, destination unknown!

1:56 a.m. - Sat in god asana, achieved dharana on fire tattwa; held god forms and vibrated the same gods as before; focused on Muladhara Chakra and awakening Kundalini. LBRP & Resh; Dawn / LBR & Resh: Noon

        Playing Tchaikovsky

        Star Ruby

        Did the planetary invocations from "Liber Septem Regum Sanctorum" - some minor re-write was necessary.

        Playing Chopin

        Preparing revised script for "Seven Holy Kings".

        Playing Berlioz

        Resh: Midnight / LBRP (I am using the Egyptian LBR I researched. I am also using corrected attributes to Liber Resh.

        I just did my adaption of "Seven Holy Kings" again.

        My magical partner who lived for a time with a foster parent who was a voodoo practicioner, has been in touch with Damballah. We are working our way through this "lustration" together.

        Read a bit more of The Book of Wisdom.

        Transcribed Egyptian notes to the computer. Worked on mega-pentagram and hexagram rituals. Totally radical and totally powerful. These are very cool.

I'm still more distracted than what I want to be.

        LBRP and went on the holograph of "The Book of the Law".

        LBRP & Resh / Listening to Puccini

        Printing out my Egyptian GRP

        LBRP / GRP / Resh

        Holograph: I saw a door slam, when I asked for instructions I heard "Thou knowest", then i saw Ra-Hoor-Khuit talking but couldn't hear his voice; later I saw a man sitting on a rock before a cave and I joined him. He showed me my path, but I couldn't make out what I saw. it was obscured. During an interview with him, I couldn't hear a lot of what he was saying: exceptions were "I am to be" and "I know".

        I asked for help in reacquiring my clairaudience.

December 24 - 2:28 a.m. - LBRP / GRP / Resh: Midnight / Seven Holy Kings

        I am going to try to finish The Book of Wisdom tonight. Finished at 4:00 a.m.

        I spent a few moments trying to communicate with my Angel and Nuit.

        I tried to read through the illuminated MS. of "Liber Pyramidos". Parts of it is hard to make out.

        I skimmed through the rest of The Equinox IV(1).

        11:03 a.m. - Beginning a re-read of The Vision and the Voice. This is, like, the third time though this. So I don't expect to find anything new.

December 25 - During the early evening i tried to re-establish my intimate connection to Nuit. i don't know yet what kind of final result there will be. It felt like there was some kind of connection.

        5:27 a.m. - In god asana maintained dharana on fire tattwa.

        Did the usual Probationer god forms and vibrations.

        Meditated on the Muladhara Chakra.

December 26 - Looking forward to the next level/grade. I see I will have to work on divination and astralling ... and more.

        I went back and read both the probationer and Neophyte section of Eshelman's A.'.A.'. book.

As I write this, there are some Probationer practices I haven't gotten to:

        1) Preparing a 777 list for me to memorize.

        2) Do regular astral workings.

There is a way of memorizing the tables that really helped me before. It's a little outside the norm, but it really helped me. I "understood".

        As far as astral workings go. I have astraled. It didn't seem particularly difficult. But I didn't do it regularly, and I didn't do it with "discipline" ... and in the next grade I am to do "rising on the planes" so I need to do a lot of practice there.

        I think I can plow through the Class B reading list pretty fast.

        The best way to get an understanding of things is to invoke them. And I shall: elements, planets, astrological signs, Chaos, Babalon, Hadit, Heru Ra Ha, Tahuti, etc.

I think during the Grade I study Enochian magick I will also study alchemy.

December 27 - I need to constantly refer to "Viarum Viae" as I climb the ladder.

        I am proceeding well through the Class B material. Only a couple of the larger pieces are left: The Heart of the Master, Little Essays Towards Truth, Eight Lectures on Yoga and The Book of Thoth.

In the god asana I maintained dharana on the fire tattwa. God forms and vibrations of the usual. Meditated on Muludhara Chakra and Kundalini.

What Practices from "Liber E" and "Liber O" Am I Doing and Not Doing?

        1. The Magical Diary - check

        2. Physical Clairvoyance - postponed

        3. Asana - check

        4. Pranayama - my sinuses makes this impossible

        5. Dharana - check - doing the tattwas in Qabalistic order

        6. Physical Limitations - I'm an old man, I know what I can't do

        7. 777 Tables - I have to do this yet

        8. Assumption of God Forms - check - doing different ones in each grade

        9. Vibration of god names - check

        10. Pentagram and Hexagram Rituals - check - doing my own

        11. Astral Workings - need to begin these too

In addition to this, I am doing Chakra and Kundalini work. Treasure House of Images (I cannot get myself to be simpatico with this). Star Ruby - replaced with my Egyptian Pentagram ritual.

December 29 - LBRP / GRP / LBRH / Resh: Dawn / Seven Holy Kings / went on the Holograph / working on understanding every little word of "Liber Porta Lucis".

December 30 - LBRP / GRP / LBRH / Resh: Midnight / I am working on preparing a decent copy of "Liber Pyramidos" I can work with / went on Holograph.

December 31 - LBRP / GRP / LBRH / Resh: Dawn / I also worked on an analysis of "Liber Tzaddi vel Hamus Hermeticus".

January 1, 2011 - Returning to Eight Lectures of Yoga in hopes of completing it tonight.

        I sat in god asana, achieving dharana on fire tattwa.

        I vibrated names and held god forms for the same deities as before.

        I meditated on energizing Muladhara Chakra and awakening Kundalini.

7:05 a.m. - Finished Eight Lectures on Yoga - am returning to The Book of Thoth which is the last of the Class B writings for me to cover, but of course it also refers to the divination work of the next grade.

        After that I will attempt a thorough analysis of "Liber Cordis Cincti Serpente" which should wrap up the entire Probationer program for me.

10:52 p.m. After thinking about it today, I've decided to "slide" the reading of The Book of Thoth over to the Neophyte curriculum. I feel no guilt about doing this. It is one of the first things i will study after signing the oath of that grade.

        So my next task is an analysis of "Liber Cordis Cincti Serpente" to be followed by the "Liber Pyramidos" ritual of self-initiation.

        After that I will move on to the neophyte Grade.

January 2 - 11:26 p.m. - Central Standard Time.

Here is the plan:

        1) Re-read "Liber Cordis Cincti Serpente" repeatedly Jan. 2-4.

        2) Perform "Liber Pyramidos" repeatedly Jan. 4-7.

        3) Sign neophyte's pledge Form Saturday, Jan. 8.

Have done LBRP / Resh at Dawn, Noon, Dusk, Midnight (a little late for the Dusk and Midnight ones).

        Sat in god asana and achieved dharana on fire tattwa.

        God forms/vibrate the usual names.

        Meditated on the Muludhara Chakras and awakening the Kundalini.

6:25 a.m. - I have finally accelerated my daily practices to a level i am satisfied with. I think my Will is responsible for this. There is no doubt now that I will do this, and that I will continue to do this as I work my way through successive stages.


January 8 - It is done.


January 2011